soliloquy

My car broke down on the highway on my way home from work.  It happened about 30 miles to the west of our apartment, and about 50 miles to the east of my parents' house, with a garage full of a tools and a father who can (and loves to) fix anything.

After I called a tow truck, I called my dad to let him know what was going on and get his take. Without a beat, he told me to bring it home so he could at least look at it; he said that if its something he can fix, we'd save a lot of money; if not, we'd have to take it to the shop anyway.  So, I had it towed to my parents' house.  When I talked to my dad,  I told him I only had cards on me and no checkbook, and asked him if they'd be able to cover me until I can get to an ATM if the tow truck only takes cash/checks. He said, "of course."

When we pulled in the driveway, my mom was standing outside with her checkbook. While the man was unhooking my car from the truck, I told her that I don't need them to write a check, because I found out that they take credit cards and I have one. Her response, in front of this stranger was, "BUT YOU DON'T HAVE A CREDIT CARD, RIIIIIIGHT?!"  (She is totally opposed to the idea of anybody --except her, of course -- having a credit card and says things like this about it often.)  I said, "I have a debit card" and went on to explain again that I just didn't have a checkbook with me. She kept insisting she pay for it. Finally I just pulled out my card and handed it to the man well before he asked for it, and said, "I have a good job. The problem was that I didn't have a checkbook and was afraid I would need it, not that I don't have money in my bank account." 

After that, she would say things like, "Isn't it SOO nice you live close enough to home that you can get help from mommy and daddy when you need it?" and "What would you do without our help!"

Before I even sat down from this whole 3 hour ordeal (an hour of which was this introvert chatting with a stranger in a tow truck), she said, "Lets go to a movie. Your aunt wants to go to a movie, lets go."  I told her that I started my day exhausted and that I was exponentially more so now. She said, "....she'll be so disappointed. She called earlier to ask me to a movie, and I said that it might be perfect because you were coming home. But that's fine." Then proceeded to make a big, sad show about calling my aunt and informing her that Melissa is much to cranky for a movie tonight.

I hadn't eaten since 10am and my mom hadn't eaten dinner, so we went to grab dinner and run by Walmart so I could pick up some clothes to sleep in and a toothbrush.  The Walmart trip was horrendous. Reader, my mother and I stopped shopping together about 10 years ago. She has this habit of picking up a piece of clothing that is a pervision of something I wore within the last 15 years and declare that, "THAT is something YOU would like. Not me, of course. But YOU would."  I try to avoid going to stores with her at all. 

Then we went to check out. I put my things on the belt, and put a divider between hers and mine. She told me that she was going to buy my things for me. I said that there was no reason she should have to buy me these things, that it was nice enough that dad was going to take the time to look at my car and that she brought me to Walmart. She kept insisting that she pay, in a too-loud voice, until I paid for my things.

In the car on the way back home, she asked me personal questions about my husband and I. Things that I do not talk about with her. Do you sleep in the same bed, even though you have that extra room? How often do you get sex out of him? I told her none of that was her business. She said one of her favorite lines: that I am her daughter, and so anything about me is her business.

I said, "I may be your daughter, but I am an adult. I have gotten through a lot in my life.  I'm married.  If I had a credit card, that's between my husband and I.  If my husband and I wanted to sleep in seperate beds, that's between him and I. If he wanted to quit school and move us to Japan, that's between him and I. My decisions from here on in are decided by my husband and I and nobody else. I don't need money, I don't need to be dressed, I don't need to be taught lessons. I don't WANT to be given any of those things, either. Yes, tonight I was in a position where help from my mechanically-inclined father will save me hundreds of dollars, and he is happy to help. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm already raised, and I resent any implication otherwise."

This isn't my first speech like this to my mother, but the first one that seemed to get somewhere. I like to believe she soaked some of it in. I'm sure she didn't.